TOOTHACHE

I had been enduring a severe toothache and had been self-medicating with Mefenamic Acid and Amoxicillin Trihydrate, both 500 mg. My current situation prevented me from doing my usual "to do" here in my office. Who in this world can talk in front of your boss and do a lot of pc assignments while suffering from severe toothache?

From a short while, i stop and realized. There is much deeper pain in me that cannot be endure with anything else. I am broken in heart and my entire being. One thing is whole in me. I can still love him back completely, despite of all the thing that happened between the two of us. I wanted to hate this feeling, but this is the only wonderful thing left in me now. L O V E  a n d   D R  E A M S.

I got the phone handset, dialed his home number. Bingo! he was the one who answered in the other line.

I did it with intention of hoping to talk to him, once again.  But I did not say a word, he asked maybe three time if who was the caller. Still I found my self in silence, a lot of things keep coming back in my mind. Everything wanted to burst out but exploded only in silence. The only thing that came out was tears. I missed him so much. So much that I could only wish him to be back with me. (-_-)

PINK's FALL OF GRRRiN

I. 

Unlike lovers (as to what I also quoted from “Iyang Kaibigan Ko” blog), there are no break-ups in friendship. 

"We can work things out. I’m still your green friend, photographer, clown and partner in crime. Movie buddy and videoke duet.”111808. This is some part of the message I received from a friend whom for years had made a very special role in my life’s story. My best and greenest chum. Maybe true to some content from his messages that we are only being test by time and circumstances. That I also wanted to inculcate to my mind, since at this point of time my pride is swallowing my entire being. My spirit has being drifted away and just had let my ego to work on in this so called test.

I cannot elaborate more where this all has started.

I might start counting even those instances that had been

put to past or those times that I did not mind his “commitment sicknesses.” Now the “test” came along without any invitation. The past days has been good to us, that we get along as how we always work the day out over our schedules. Until the following day that had been disconcerting for me.

Well, that didn’t actually turned my nerves to crash and get heart harden for him. I just don’t want to easily grant him my “Okay na” mood.

As like the “Bunnz way.” I am attacking his text messages with response that

I know would pissed off his “huge kept patience.” Though were friends for almost

six years now, that bully side of me still works on him. But take note of the saying

“bring home the bacon.” it’s hard for me to do it. Get with you your brightest guess,

why he always end-up to be the winner between our fray.

1.) I easily drop my over-priced leading pride for him “in the name of bestfriendship in the world category,”

2.) he’ll tell me I’m adding up to his worries (ending I'm being the one asking for apology),

3.) he have this “his own green way” of saying the cheesiest sorry especially for you and

4.) “commitment sickness” again & again. And If I can just sue him for committing that crime to a friend, he’s now absolutely convicted with a “double jeopardy” case.

II .

[YOU HAD REACHED YOUR LIMIT ] 

Like the message prompt from the automated teller machine for banking transaction, it was the words that mumbled to my whispering tone voice after reading his message sent last Saturday. The fact that I shouldn’t be there (in the meeting place), because we’re not actually in good terms really turned my pride into a “fried asshole.” But, because of what my professional guardian angel tells my conscience “it’s business as usual.” So I made it to my commitment and asked my mom to dropped me off to Greenbelt for a business meeting sort of like. ONLY, to find out that my not so lovely day would turned out exactly wrecked *&$#@.

Though I rewarded my self of a great shopping that Saturday afternoon until the mall closes (thanks to the mall wide sale in Ayala Center), I only end up looking back to those superb buys and asked my self “haven’t I bought Happiness with me? —I’m broken and so was my pocket.” The only cure for me on that night was to go home in our province and be with my family.

The next day hadn’t turned well, still, though I received a text message from him containing his sort of apology. As I had said earlier, it was wrapped with the cheesiest words “the green way.”

……

Much has been said. I can’t pretend to be like a bottom-less ice tea with no limit of patience or go beyond pretension of not being affected at all. I am locked with this emotion (maybe for such time, i wish) that made me undergo under an emotional depression which I usually encountered during my childhood days. I need to do something, not maybe for friendship but for my self. These can make me whole and/or if not I can never get back to my own again.

One thing strike my mind during several sleepless nights now. I pictured one group scene where everyone joined the fun of defining love.

He said, 

"Love, it is loosing control."

And if I had been force to had my answer laid in the group, i’ll tell them,

“Love, it is compose of respect.”

That would carry and build your character in many principles of life. And that is my life's top principle,   —RESPECT.

Need I say more? like you almost always tell me that you love me (well we know we love each other. we're bestfriends right?).

with that, I rest my case.

______________________________________________________

“It’s sad to know that there won’t be anymore times of texting U like d same old days about me & u, urs & my plans, ur sadness & my fears and even my wicked actions. No more overnights, music & laughters to share w/. Thinking I would be alone or w/ somebody elses side inside d church or d movie house. And those pictures that I love to share & add more would now be going to be old w/ it’s memories... and d hardest part of it is getting my way of putting U out of my head and d thought of it alone—is not only nerve breaking… it's tearing my soul apart.

But I guess that could be my only way so to end d chance of pain. 111808

Will I ever make my day the way I live before? knowing part of my being has now come to missing. A friend whom I always used to share a lot in me and simply that someone I am used to be. (-_-)

Life can’t really be fair as how we all wish it should be.

112108

pink's fall of grrrin

Client Call

A peaceful ending for a day. I had finished three modules today, though I just arrived here in office during lunch time. After stocking my bag inside the locker I rushed to my laptop and start reading my boss email so for me to get my other assignments for today. After doing so, I start to open the finder to start working with the modules that I have to finish.. I unwrapped my take-out order from McDonalds and lushed into the juicy quarter pound burger while customizing the first module that I'm working. Somehow I know it's saving my time and saving my self not to be called by my superior and ear to her "words of wisdom". After a straight six hour work and re-working, voila! I never expect to finished three modules in a day. Maybe I'm starting to recover now from the past dillema that I encountered. There's no text messages that annoys and butt-in with my thoughts. And maybe going to Batangas yesterday for a company project meeting with our client also made a disguise help. We went to Bauang, Batangas to meet the AG&P (Atlantic, Gulf & Pacific) HR Manager and the rest of the officers. After an hour meeting, they led us to see the company's yard and was able to see the actual fabrication of steel. After doing so, they drive us to visit the nearest beach. The air was enticing and though we're not ready to go bathing in the beach our feet indulge with the waves and JUST RELAX with the place is something I would be thankful that I woke up early and join my boss in meeting our client, though I just came from a very late-night org meet-ups..

><(;>

DAMAGED

(-_-)

I haven't so much thoughts in mind now. Very unusual for this "Bunnz" to just be writing a blog with nothing more in her tongue.

I feel so sadden that in an instance there is a big part of my life that has been touched and was damage.

True to it that when you are suffering from what they call it an "emotional depression" you will also going under an impaired stomach or the abnormal functioning of your internal system. Yesterday morning after a two-day straight of no sleep (well i have no insomniac that's for sure) because of the negative feelings that i am handling for such time and this hardly made my thoughts so stressed i did felt a string of a hyper-acidity that keeps pinching inside my flesh and again while trying to move some unjust thing from my body all that had washed out was a droplets of bleed (i had suffered from these disorder several years ago when i had a problem over council and personal conflict). I don't know where to start inviting positive thoughts as how my doctor has advised me to do as part of the therapy when I was in college. I cant barely put down these emotions even for a moment, they are always running and invading my mind(including my heart).. The sad part of this is that I had just returned from work a couple of weeks ago and things are not going so clear now if I am making a good impression with my colleagues like how I used to competing before.

Don't know where this luggage in my mind would soon bring me.

11182008

PILI

Paano nga ba talikuran ang isang

tulad mo

Na sa kahit anung pagkakataon

ay nariyan

Ikaw na siyang sumalo ng ako'y

unang saktan ng pag-ibig

Iniwan niya kong tila kinapos

sa pagpapala

Ngunit nariyan init mong laging

naipadarama sa akin

Buka ng labi mong nagaayang

makalimot

Ligaya at pag-asa dala mo sa

akin

Humihigpit na kapit sa 'yong

namamasang katawan

h'wag sanang mangyari bigla na

lamang dumulas sa 'king palad

Pagkat ang tulad mo'y kailangan ko

higit pa sa lamig ng gabi

Datapwat ganito yaring nadarama

para sa'yo

Lagi na lamang tangka ko'y limutin

at iwan ka

Pero sa sandaling pagtalikod ay

masasaktang muli

At tulad ng dati ikaw at ikaw din

ang tatakbuhan

Sa ligaya, luha ko at tagumpay

Wala kang piniling oras, ikaw ay laging

nakaramay

Tatalikuran ka nga ba o magpapaubaya

na lamang sa'yo

Ikaw nga ba'y kapalaran o iisa ating espiritu

San Mig Light kung ako'y para sa'yo

IKaMPaY Mo!

3/29

SIYA ANG BLESSFRIEND KO

We're friends, best of friends. Not because we always see each other nor we texr more often or we have the same taste in color.
We're bestfriends because we felt we had the best from each other and from our selves.
I have a lot of talking friends whom i share my everyday stories. But when time turns out just to be silent. I remember her hahaha! We speak thru our mind and our soul. We turn to each other when we get our lagguage over flowing. We feel both ok hearing one's stores and then after a while we're better. Though we seldom find time we make sure we'll have thatquality time spending with each other if find one.

Bakit ganun? Because we're different. We run a different world. We just became similar coz we share each other stories. What's my story becomes her story and vise-versa.. My bestfriend, she's a great leader, no one wil;l question it. Her name best explains her character and her devotion. Me? no i even have no patience in talking infront of several people. I hate talking. She knows i don't even give a damn if i don't convince people. Hai naku i can just be good in silly matters.
Opposite attracts daw. Mejo ganun nga siguro.

Iyang Kaibigan Ko

BIERNES bago ang tanghalian umalis siya sa bahay na tinutuluyan ko. Nangako nman siyang babalik din kinabukasan. Pagdating ng Sabado bago magtanghalian naghanda ako ng makakain kabilang siya sa dami niyon. Pagdating ng alas-3 nakatanggap ako ng text mula sa kanya, malalate ng anunsiyo iyong inaantay niyang resulta patugkol sa trabaho. Kaya inisip ko nlang na sa gabihan maghahanda ako ng masarap na ulam. ‘Yung sabi niya noon masarap daw ang pagkakaluto ko. Nilaga.

Alas-8 ng gabi nauna na akong kumain, nanood ng tv – nagpalipas…

Alas-9 pasado nagtext siya. Iyog “jowa” daw niya (running for 2 weeks I guess) nag-aayang makipagkita sa kanya pagkatapos ng inaasikaso niya sa trabaho.

            “Next time nlang yan, umuwi ka nlang dito kasi mejo inaantok na din ako.. pero kwentuhan mo muna ako sa nangyari sa buong araw mo..”

iyan sana ang irereply ko sa text niya. Pero ang pinarating kong mensahe sa kanya…

“ikaw ang bahala”

Isang oras muli ang lumipas, wala nman siyang na-i-text na tumuloy siya sa pagkikita nila. Sumunod may natanggap akong text..

“pauwi na ko dyan”.

Nanatili ako sa harap ng tv, nanonood. Siguro pagkalipas ng limang minuto tumunog muli yung cellphone ko.

            “pasensya na wala kasing dumadaang jeep (sa Ayala Ave.) uuwi nlang ako sa amin late na din kc.”

Sumunod…

“nakasakay na ‘ko ng bus pauwi sa ‘min. tawag ako jan pagdating samin”.

Sumama talaga ang loob ko. Madami akong naisip na bagay. Pero hindi ko nman na i-tinext iyon sa kanya. Sabi ko nlang sa sarili ko sana ‘wag nlang siyang tumawag kasi ayaw ko siyang makausap. Hindi ko rin nman talaga masasabi kung gaano ako nalungkot ng mga oras na iyon…  Aba! Hindi nga tumawag.

Linggo. 

Nag-text siya, nagtatanong kung bakit walang sumasagot ng telepono sa bahay. Buti nlang wala talaga ako ng oras na iyon sa bahay. Nasa Greenbelt ako dumaan ako doon para dumalo ng panghuling misa sa umagang iyon bago tumulak pauwi sa probinsya.

Dalawang lingo ang nakalipas… mahaba na iyon para hindi kami mag-usap, mag-txt mag-email o magkita. Minsan tatawag siya sa bahay pero yung isa kong kaibigan ang ipapakausap ko sa kanya. Sa tono nman ng boses ko sa tuwing ako ang nakasasagot ng tawag nakukubli din sa mga tinig na may pagtatampo ako.

Dalawang lingo nga ang lumipas. Nagkita kaming muli. Nagpunta siya sa bahay, nagover-night dalawa o tatlong gabi. Okey nman kami balik sa mga nakasanayan ng ginagawa. Parang walang nangyari. Nakalimutan ko na rin kasi talaga yung feeling of disappoinment tungkol sa nangyari dalawang lingo na ang nakalipas. Pero siyempre naaalala ko pa rin. At ang totoo ako ang nagpapunta sa kanya sa bahay para dumalaw.

Linggo ulit, nakatakda akong umuwi sa probinsya. Umagang umalis yung isa naming kaibgan. Kaming dalaw naghanda na rin, nagpapasama ako sa kanya sa Greenbelt. Ang sabi ko magggrocery lang kami doon. May mas mahalaga akong ginawa ng mga sumunod na oras kaya naantala ang pagalis namin. Pero aalis pa din kami nagpalipas lang kami ng kaunting sandali.

Bago mag alas-5 gumayak kaming muli. Aalis na talaga kami. Tinanong ko siya kung sasamahan pa ba niya ako sa Greenbelt, tutal meron nmang MRT station o Ayala Ave. na mas magiging kumportable sa kanya pauwi sa kanila. Sabi niya hindi nlang daw para makapagpahinga na din siya dahil maypasok siya kinabukasan (ng alas-9 ng gabi). Ako, hindi na din tumuloy sa Greenbelt. Ang totoo dadalo sana ako doon ng misa at gusto ko siyang isama. Yung maliit na kapilya doon kasing edad ko iyon ( walang koneksyon). Maluwag ang loob ko kapag naroon ako at sumasaya ako sa simpleng presensya ng kapaligiran. Ang gusto ko sana ibahagi yung feeling na iyon sa kanya. Alam ko sa oras na iyon kailangan niya iyon.Hindi ko sinabi yung dahilan ko dahil makailang beses ko na talaga siyang inaayang magsimba pero talagang hindi niya panata iyon. Kaya tumuloy nlang ako sa simbahan sa may plaza malapit sa bahay, doon ako dumalo ng misa.

Pagkatapos ng misa dumaan ako saglit sa botika para sa iilang gamot (hindi rin kasi mabuti ang pakiramdam ko ilang araw na rin) at bumalik na din ako sa bahay.

Alas-9 pasado nasa bahay pa din ako sa Makati. May inaantay ako bago ako tuluyangumuwi sa probinsya. Hindi ko nman maitext (nagtumbling kc kamakailan lang yung mobile phone ko, now im using a strange phone), kaya naisip ko na siya ang tawagan para hingan ng pabor. Nakalimutan ko ang landline number sa bahay nila (wala rin akong kopya), sinubukan kong patunugin yung cellphone niya baka sakaling maisipan niyang tumawag. Paglipas ng ilang minuto nakatanggap ako ng mensahe mula sa kanya.

“tumatawag ka? May prob ba? Nandito ako sa Boni nagvvijoke kami …”

Hindi ko na siya sinubukang tawagan, yung kuya ko nlang ang hiningian ko ng pabor.( may mga sumunod pang detalye..)

Ikaw? Nakukuha mo ba ang nararamdaman ko nung mga ors na iyon?

Nung isang lingo nagtatanung yung isa naming kaibigan kung bakit may tampo ako sa kanya. Ang sagot ko nlang sa kanya..

“kung mag ‘jowa’ kami matagal na kaming split. But in our case we’re friends”. (Magkaibigan kami)

Ang pagkakaibigan walang tinatawag na break-up. Walang cool-off. Hindi mo din masasabing “I had enough”.

For Love, For Friendship And For Real

FOR LOVE, FOR FRIENDSHIP and FOR REAL

4 love – 4 friendxp – 4 real

"It isn't based on how many secrets you share, it isn't hoe well you get along nor how much you like each other and it isn't how people often see you together... it's how you appreciate the differences, the gaps, the trials, the mistakes and still...

they look at you straight from the heart...

without hatred,

without judgement,

without prejudice,,,

only pure acceptance and respect."

><(;> Lucky 9, Yes! It’s been nine years since we first became friends. One year more and we can almost fill-in the questions back on our freshmen years in college: "what could we be ten years from now?". We're not just four in the group; there are several more different personalities that you can meet. Only that we're somehow performing in the same stage. Still? Not so. We'd already shared different stories of our lives. Who would ever guess we can be this far,,, and still single.

Single with different stories, different choice and different reason with us.

Way back college we're all riding that juicy joyride of our teenage life. One of us had sneaked a bf twice inside the campus (as in 2 diff. men in a sem.). Another one got her beau, who I remembered to be the guy that was linked to different girls, but the winner is (applause -- applause!!!) siya siyempre (winner long ago). The other girl had with her those in-famous personalities over short-lived relationships. Lastly, oh yes this girl had just stolen a kiss from that dearest lad.

>>> Long - - long - - ago, yes that all came to pass. We're in reality, we know what love is and we're still discovering the wonderful friendship we have.

Just recently, we took on a friend who chose to stay away from her bf permanently and let go of all those precious times that they use to have way back. Now, she's one of us. Totally in the same ground where we are. The other one chose to be happy with her job and get more inspired with her dreams and devotion; And who would even thought that one of us would actually choose to remain single and learn more of herself and win the crisis she's struggling; She has been the easy go luck for your eyes, but now she remain footed with friends. She refrain from that dating games she used to deal and chose to value more of what she have and enjoys her self more.

This doesn't mean we're zero love life. Of course we're in-love, definitely. Only that we're putting it in reservation before it fails the soonest. This is our choice. We're single, but this' only takes 10yrs. since we bonded and befriends. We can count more years and could have another best choice to give ourselves.

Amid those years of being together we learned one thing that had never fail us, our friendship. We committed mistakes, crusades, love and triumph. We even argue a lot, we cried and laugh over downfall and we still find ourselves running with each other’s company. We're different souls, different thoughts, different stories but we possess only one great heart for love, for friendship and for real... to love our selves and to love others as well (the right and the wrong ones).

tinikyzda

07/142008

><(;>

love letter

To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to finish without knowing what you have written.

A month ago I celebrated my birthday. I am happy to received a Girbaud purse. Excited as how it brought me I eagerly decided to transfer my old wallets' stuff from the new one. Until I end up uncovering a secret pocket from my old wallet and found a folded old letter inside it. I tried to clutch it and open until i recognize the note. I read it from top to the very bottom. It's inspiring! a nostalgia flick from that moment I felt.
A "Love letter". The person who wrote this, is a person closest to my heart from then to now. I just post this to show how old i've been keeping this letter and still how i appreciate it until this very moment. Though at time when i received this i know the author didn't get the honest response that i should give him.

Posted in a mist form so still to give privacy :) And i know close friends knows everything the author tells me here, though for a fact that it wasn't read after all these years by you

Several years had passed and soon to count more years... how old can this epistle last.. or will it only last in words and inside my purse?
><(,'> tinikyzda 04292008
"..there is only one situation I can think of in which men and women make an effort to read better than they usually do (it is) when they are in love and reading a love letter." old time fish
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061103164756AArMdU8

I Hide To Cry

by Veronica Ann Cech

I hide to cry because I have no where to call my own and "happily ever after" is a land too far away, just after once- upon- a- time; just this side of the rainbow and no one really cares anyway I hide to cry because I know I will never leave this place and dreams don't really come true its just all make- believe and it really doesn't matter I hide to cry because my weakness brings my tears and I have no one to hold me close no one here who loves me and no one really cares anyway I hide to cry because I embarrass the moon and she is my only friend but she's too far away to hold my hand and it really doesn't matter anyway I hide to cry because no one really cares anyway and is this pain even real it really doesn't matter and no one really cares anyway I hide to cry because no one validates my pain and no one really cares so why should I and it really doesn't matter anyway

I personally felt for the lines of Veronica. Actually i just picked this poem from Arnel's 360 page and now I wanted to share this to all my friends here in my multiply. You how do you react on this.

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-oGkcr5IwaagfsgNyIffDq0n4bg--?cq=1&l=16&u=20&mx=41&lmt=5