cry

my most wanted song from a walk to remember
><(;>

I have always raced through life

Hoping to catch d answers on d way

But only I crossed countless questions

A question to question... suffocates

I tried to steal life forwarding

But slowly it pulls me backward

I flee d scratches in my hand

So clearly I can read my palm

Thirteen, Eighteen come Twenty-two

Older years denied long confusion

But when I thought I never understand life

It drives on to understand my ways

tinikyzda 9/30

T W Ö

I’ve been asked twice in one day which just happen a couple of days ago by those parents of two closest friend of mine in two different phase of time. A question, which I in fact never mind but closely I just realized how it really was. WOW! A question I have not in head at all.

They likewise asked me why I haven’t got my self a boyfriend yet. While on the other hand theirs are almost planning to get wed. Anyway the talked went so nicely and my dialogue falls like this…

“I don’t think I need to have one tita, I’m one of the boys and at the same time having fun with male friends were a lot of enjoyment rather than having just one that knots your neck. It gets me sick after my phone rings all day just to picked a message [just checking if you’re all right blah blah], when I’m pretty confident that I will surely be all right even without someone to monitor my actions. Okay! I know I’m helpless sometimes,, all right a lot I admit. Well that doesn’t change a thing. I’m a sweet lady not their ‘tamagochi’. Freak!! So I better decided to bug off from them.

I’m a hopeless romantic, I guess not that transparent but I am (is it abnormal?). I enjoy having all the time of my life with friends and family, and I know it feels so good to have somebody to share your happiness with and is willing to do the same for me. UNFORTUNETELY. All those nice things cannot be seen in just one guy.” (Then laugh..).

Until the night gets deeper and those conversation flashed my head once more, in an unlikely manner of asking my self “bakit nga ba?” although I know why (nakakainis noh?!). I’m 23, yet not getting any steady relationship. Though I got no prob with my previous boyfriend still we need to part ways for a serious good reason that in fact doesn’t affect my amity with him. We still communicate with each other meet every fine Friday with friends, and that’s all. I have no qualms with our past and with our decisions though I know I had let go of someone who actually has the power to make me happy, laugh, giggle and made me feel special in his own way.

Another guy in my mind was my second boyfriend. He’s reserve, proper and …boring. Obviously I really have no idea why he likes my kind. Ours did not end up that well, but as years goes by our indifference ended up being friends. He still feels the same old feeling he has for me way-back college. All right …it’s mutual. Sad, but I don’t afford keeping a long distance affair. He’s now settled in Venice holding a noble career. We talked over the phone once in a while and it makes us closer even more.
In picking up a beau you don’t only consider what’s inside your heart, more of it the head is still above your chest. So was that….

Actually I really am not dating any guy right now. For the first time in my life I’M NOT.

I heard the words ‘I love you’ several times. But the feelings are not much supportive of it. I could have at least given my self a chance of being loved fairly, worth-it and forever.

Why does some girls simply find their mr.right, and mine seems loosing his way locating my nest?
Is it really the one for them, or did I already miss the luck of opening my door for mr.right?

Whatever!!! I just hope I wouldn’t end up counting more years being asked by the same question above.

11/08'06
tinikyzda

19LINES ...SO MEAN

He loves me through the sun and the stars

He gave me light & push on the blocks

He fights for me & even prays for

He almost won me over except my heart

Why can I be so mean w/ him

When all those times He loves me so pure

Unconditionally he gave his best

He almost show me his whole world

But selfishly I closes mine

I even gave him my coldest shoulder

Never call when his missing my side

For all those times that I pain his heart

Why can't he hate me, not even a little

Waiting for the time that he'll turn back

I even find ways to say goodbye

Still his acting like everything is well

Why can't he hate me, not even close

When all these time I've been so mean

Why can't he hate me, not even at all?

UP CLOSE... ANISA MACALAWI

Salam. I am about to write something about her, help me if you can contribute to this. Her name is Anisa, she's a proud filipina and proud to have her skin tanned as her kabayan's. Her family calls her Annie, [that's sort of cutie kiddie palayaw], majority of her friends and colleagues often calls her a different name [and she loved to be called that way], and some would call her Niza [as shortcut to her real name]. She was born in the year of the Boar [1983] under the astronomical sign of Pisces. A moslem in blood, and was raised on her early years abiding to their culture though as she grew up and had her own personal views and opinion she began to practice and adhere the Christian values. She was raised by her parents [special recognition to her supper sweet mom] half her life here in Manila and in the province of Bulacan with strict copliance with their rules and laws as a parental guide, together with two of her sibblings.
Annie is the type of person that easily get connected with things and she keep going for more than she can without getting it on account of others. She looks after of doing a lot of things to fill her time, loving Arts as her passion and keeping her fingers cross for world peace... "Simple things, simple happiness, invites absolute good karma." —as she always said.



Her parents are into legal practice. Her father [Ali] former ARMM DOLE Secretary and presiding Judge of Iligan RTC now Fiscal and president of the IBP Iligan (by the time of this writing). Her mom [Rocky]  A Supreme Court reporter officer IV now with over 25year of service to the government. But don't expect her to be inclined with their field, although, she finished college with a degree in Political Science, she majored the International Relations studies [alike with her papas' prelaw since she said it's more easier than taking up Rocky's degree in Economics]. The roots maybe different to its seed, she's into her passion, She jammed on different lenses and catwalk ramps most of her days, walk on the fame of different insigns creation.. not getting tired of it [she claim not be tired on that until she reached 27.. she could claim that as her contract from the modeling maagement will expire by that time *chuckles*] She was paid enough for staying young. She can course to be your pictorial babe on your lenses, and the one who wares and campaign for pretty teens, baleno, g-girls... aficionado, sugar suzuki, and Dennis Cabalinan's Kasal.com bridal coutures. Every milestone that she claim from this, she puts credits to her manager JF of TheRedCarpet Management.

Blood is thicker... [it start and ends there] She's enggage on different advocate organizations.. She campaign (as a founding member) for anti-corruption under Walang ku-corrupt movement [http://www.walangkucorrupt.ph]  inaugurated at Lemery, Batangas. An active supporter of a Human Rights group with Amnesty International - Pilipinas [web.amnesty.org],.. and a 10 year old member of the  Liberal Party  [www.liberalparty.ph/]...  One of the founder of central student movement by National Youth Commission [NYC] the Student Council Action Network [SCAN] that was inaugurated at the CIty of Baguio on 2002. 

She's not into noise and street revolution. She do adhere with the prosperity of diplomatic peace talk.[ the ultimate end of all revolutionary social change is to establish the sanctity of human life, the dignity of man, the rights of every human being to liberty and well being...] Bringing more justice to the world pleases her heart, and if she can continuously work in charity field to relieve suffering she would meet great happiness. Giving attention to the underprivileged makes her happy. She wanted to be with friends who shares her interest in expansive causes and are cheerfully active to bring about better condition to others. Practicing her artistic skills in art, construction, and poetry online brings another fulfilled happiness. And now as she joins the international organization of project management institute of professionals she meets the direction where this career will lead her. 

At the age of 28 and still single she honestly prefer not to go dating a guy, though her parents engage her to her cousin to be his wife in muslim rights [sharmuta or the parental marriage] a totally strange man to her, so she can't look after of giving their selves the time to vow with each other [N-E-V-E-R] thus, she practice her rights to say NO. She's not eyeing for someone right now just because of the situation. Instead, she look forward for the right time and the right person who can take and accept all there is in her. A self confessed believer of the power of *click* as they call it.

With all these 28 years of journey for progress and survival I may say that she has grown up to be a better person. Her life molds her character and she's proud with the waythings are going for her.

Things that gets her interest are water sports [and yes she loves surfing], articles and poem writttings, landscape photo shooting, eating, web blogging, and light shopping [should I say she's a wise shopper] she recently falls in love with books and just finished reading two books of Liv Ulmann. The first is Changes and the other one is Choices. She also reads Senators pocketbook, and Christian Books from Logos Hope.

Friendship for her is a sweet responsibility and never she took it as an opportunity or of self interest. She love it when she's giving herself a chence to be someone elses friend. She value it a lot like how she value her family. A person with sharp tongue to tell you words you don't want to hear, but she honestly do so if she wants you to change for a good knock. She's kind and loyal in her own ways.

She is ANISA, you may hear her laugh out loud be careful though, not to hurt her heart because she cried out lout as well. I should know!

DE NOS JOURS LE PIERRE

Summer guzzling, freezing heat
Quiet blank with touches around
On a freshly plummet silent dry leaves
I am an island, I am a stone
I built walls, mighty that no one ceases
I have no need of acquaintance
They caused me only pain
It’s loving and it’s laughter I disdain
I am an island, I am one
Love has slept in memories
No need to disturbed the feelings
Like summer, it arid long ago
If I never loved, I never likely cry.
And by no means known loneliness
I have my pen and my poetry to protect me

I am shielded w/ my armor
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am one
Twenty-two years In time
An island that never cries
A stone that bears no pain

3/6’06
tinikyzda
cumpleaños kopo…
in time of stone

Audaces fortuna iuvat

Aspirat primo Fortuna labori - Fortune smiles upon our first effort. (Virgil)