I had always tried to ask why some would easily have they’re dreams at their hand, while I had tried to get all the sleep in my life but woke-up with still the same old day.
How would anyone understand my actions when never did I give myself a chance to be all out. I am stranded in one island where everybody keeps growing and sailing far away from me. What could be the best word to express all the agony inside of me? I was hurt and hurting until now. I was lost and never find my own. I am sick and not healing at all. You’re mixed with lots of questions to me, or you answered it on your own. That’s apt to you. But the person in me was dying, loosing faith each and every time I consider my chance to be free. Free to live, to laugh, to cry, to dream, to stand, to win, to run and never stop at all. R e w i n d,,, That always happened. I’ve been here yesterday; I’ve done this many times and was doing all over again because of lack of choice to do my own thing.
We’re getting far but do you understand this piece? How far do you know me after this long twenty-four years? I will understand if you’ll say never at all. In ten years ago I started to loose my self, my own dreams, my own reflections and my own strength.
I tried to keep my self dreaming hoping one day there is one different morning to meet. But that hope even taught me to doubt.
I am a woman, I am loved, I am reach, I am hopeful, I am glowing, I am free. That all you think about me are all deceptions… I never felt to be a woman, hunger for true love, thirsty and dying, hopeless, and a prison inside my own. I can’t run because there is always who follows behind. I hate to stay but one thing keeps on pulling back. I tried to win but it causes me failures.
How much tears do I need to pour out. How much pain will I cause those person who trust me. Disappointment I gave you mom, I’m sorry. Hesitation you feel against me.
I wanted to brace myself and be fearless. Shortly things will happen as how it should be. I’ve been asking a lot of answers from heaven,,, I get insecure, I get hurt, was envious but who else has the right to get angry with the one above. No one.
My apology, coz you never understand these, what matter is after all soon will come that you will certainly do. That’s when this letter will be a kind from long ago.
Tinikyzda
5/23/07
Fact is: I was born and made it to survive; I never win any but I am stronger because I’m doing the battle; I am just alongside, thou I am neglected; I always fear because of choosing not to hurt you; I prefer to be this silent because I am protecting you. I am not perfect, but I know I’ve been human. Soon life will be taken but our smile together I will have till I’m weaken.
