TOOTHACHE

I had been enduring a severe toothache and had been self-medicating with Mefenamic Acid and Amoxicillin Trihydrate, both 500 mg. My current situation prevented me from doing my usual "to do" here in my office. Who in this world can talk in front of your boss and do a lot of pc assignments while suffering from severe toothache?

From a short while, i stop and realized. There is much deeper pain in me that cannot be endure with anything else. I am broken in heart and my entire being. One thing is whole in me. I can still love him back completely, despite of all the thing that happened between the two of us. I wanted to hate this feeling, but this is the only wonderful thing left in me now. L O V E  a n d   D R  E A M S.

I got the phone handset, dialed his home number. Bingo! he was the one who answered in the other line.

I did it with intention of hoping to talk to him, once again.  But I did not say a word, he asked maybe three time if who was the caller. Still I found my self in silence, a lot of things keep coming back in my mind. Everything wanted to burst out but exploded only in silence. The only thing that came out was tears. I missed him so much. So much that I could only wish him to be back with me. (-_-)

PINK's FALL OF GRRRiN

I. 

Unlike lovers (as to what I also quoted from “Iyang Kaibigan Ko” blog), there are no break-ups in friendship. 

"We can work things out. I’m still your green friend, photographer, clown and partner in crime. Movie buddy and videoke duet.”111808. This is some part of the message I received from a friend whom for years had made a very special role in my life’s story. My best and greenest chum. Maybe true to some content from his messages that we are only being test by time and circumstances. That I also wanted to inculcate to my mind, since at this point of time my pride is swallowing my entire being. My spirit has being drifted away and just had let my ego to work on in this so called test.

I cannot elaborate more where this all has started.

I might start counting even those instances that had been

put to past or those times that I did not mind his “commitment sicknesses.” Now the “test” came along without any invitation. The past days has been good to us, that we get along as how we always work the day out over our schedules. Until the following day that had been disconcerting for me.

Well, that didn’t actually turned my nerves to crash and get heart harden for him. I just don’t want to easily grant him my “Okay na” mood.

As like the “Bunnz way.” I am attacking his text messages with response that

I know would pissed off his “huge kept patience.” Though were friends for almost

six years now, that bully side of me still works on him. But take note of the saying

“bring home the bacon.” it’s hard for me to do it. Get with you your brightest guess,

why he always end-up to be the winner between our fray.

1.) I easily drop my over-priced leading pride for him “in the name of bestfriendship in the world category,”

2.) he’ll tell me I’m adding up to his worries (ending I'm being the one asking for apology),

3.) he have this “his own green way” of saying the cheesiest sorry especially for you and

4.) “commitment sickness” again & again. And If I can just sue him for committing that crime to a friend, he’s now absolutely convicted with a “double jeopardy” case.

II .

[YOU HAD REACHED YOUR LIMIT ] 

Like the message prompt from the automated teller machine for banking transaction, it was the words that mumbled to my whispering tone voice after reading his message sent last Saturday. The fact that I shouldn’t be there (in the meeting place), because we’re not actually in good terms really turned my pride into a “fried asshole.” But, because of what my professional guardian angel tells my conscience “it’s business as usual.” So I made it to my commitment and asked my mom to dropped me off to Greenbelt for a business meeting sort of like. ONLY, to find out that my not so lovely day would turned out exactly wrecked *&$#@.

Though I rewarded my self of a great shopping that Saturday afternoon until the mall closes (thanks to the mall wide sale in Ayala Center), I only end up looking back to those superb buys and asked my self “haven’t I bought Happiness with me? —I’m broken and so was my pocket.” The only cure for me on that night was to go home in our province and be with my family.

The next day hadn’t turned well, still, though I received a text message from him containing his sort of apology. As I had said earlier, it was wrapped with the cheesiest words “the green way.”

……

Much has been said. I can’t pretend to be like a bottom-less ice tea with no limit of patience or go beyond pretension of not being affected at all. I am locked with this emotion (maybe for such time, i wish) that made me undergo under an emotional depression which I usually encountered during my childhood days. I need to do something, not maybe for friendship but for my self. These can make me whole and/or if not I can never get back to my own again.

One thing strike my mind during several sleepless nights now. I pictured one group scene where everyone joined the fun of defining love.

He said, 

"Love, it is loosing control."

And if I had been force to had my answer laid in the group, i’ll tell them,

“Love, it is compose of respect.”

That would carry and build your character in many principles of life. And that is my life's top principle,   —RESPECT.

Need I say more? like you almost always tell me that you love me (well we know we love each other. we're bestfriends right?).

with that, I rest my case.

______________________________________________________

“It’s sad to know that there won’t be anymore times of texting U like d same old days about me & u, urs & my plans, ur sadness & my fears and even my wicked actions. No more overnights, music & laughters to share w/. Thinking I would be alone or w/ somebody elses side inside d church or d movie house. And those pictures that I love to share & add more would now be going to be old w/ it’s memories... and d hardest part of it is getting my way of putting U out of my head and d thought of it alone—is not only nerve breaking… it's tearing my soul apart.

But I guess that could be my only way so to end d chance of pain. 111808

Will I ever make my day the way I live before? knowing part of my being has now come to missing. A friend whom I always used to share a lot in me and simply that someone I am used to be. (-_-)

Life can’t really be fair as how we all wish it should be.

112108

pink's fall of grrrin

Client Call

A peaceful ending for a day. I had finished three modules today, though I just arrived here in office during lunch time. After stocking my bag inside the locker I rushed to my laptop and start reading my boss email so for me to get my other assignments for today. After doing so, I start to open the finder to start working with the modules that I have to finish.. I unwrapped my take-out order from McDonalds and lushed into the juicy quarter pound burger while customizing the first module that I'm working. Somehow I know it's saving my time and saving my self not to be called by my superior and ear to her "words of wisdom". After a straight six hour work and re-working, voila! I never expect to finished three modules in a day. Maybe I'm starting to recover now from the past dillema that I encountered. There's no text messages that annoys and butt-in with my thoughts. And maybe going to Batangas yesterday for a company project meeting with our client also made a disguise help. We went to Bauang, Batangas to meet the AG&P (Atlantic, Gulf & Pacific) HR Manager and the rest of the officers. After an hour meeting, they led us to see the company's yard and was able to see the actual fabrication of steel. After doing so, they drive us to visit the nearest beach. The air was enticing and though we're not ready to go bathing in the beach our feet indulge with the waves and JUST RELAX with the place is something I would be thankful that I woke up early and join my boss in meeting our client, though I just came from a very late-night org meet-ups..

><(;>

DAMAGED

(-_-)

I haven't so much thoughts in mind now. Very unusual for this "Bunnz" to just be writing a blog with nothing more in her tongue.

I feel so sadden that in an instance there is a big part of my life that has been touched and was damage.

True to it that when you are suffering from what they call it an "emotional depression" you will also going under an impaired stomach or the abnormal functioning of your internal system. Yesterday morning after a two-day straight of no sleep (well i have no insomniac that's for sure) because of the negative feelings that i am handling for such time and this hardly made my thoughts so stressed i did felt a string of a hyper-acidity that keeps pinching inside my flesh and again while trying to move some unjust thing from my body all that had washed out was a droplets of bleed (i had suffered from these disorder several years ago when i had a problem over council and personal conflict). I don't know where to start inviting positive thoughts as how my doctor has advised me to do as part of the therapy when I was in college. I cant barely put down these emotions even for a moment, they are always running and invading my mind(including my heart).. The sad part of this is that I had just returned from work a couple of weeks ago and things are not going so clear now if I am making a good impression with my colleagues like how I used to competing before.

Don't know where this luggage in my mind would soon bring me.

11182008

PILI

Paano nga ba talikuran ang isang

tulad mo

Na sa kahit anung pagkakataon

ay nariyan

Ikaw na siyang sumalo ng ako'y

unang saktan ng pag-ibig

Iniwan niya kong tila kinapos

sa pagpapala

Ngunit nariyan init mong laging

naipadarama sa akin

Buka ng labi mong nagaayang

makalimot

Ligaya at pag-asa dala mo sa

akin

Humihigpit na kapit sa 'yong

namamasang katawan

h'wag sanang mangyari bigla na

lamang dumulas sa 'king palad

Pagkat ang tulad mo'y kailangan ko

higit pa sa lamig ng gabi

Datapwat ganito yaring nadarama

para sa'yo

Lagi na lamang tangka ko'y limutin

at iwan ka

Pero sa sandaling pagtalikod ay

masasaktang muli

At tulad ng dati ikaw at ikaw din

ang tatakbuhan

Sa ligaya, luha ko at tagumpay

Wala kang piniling oras, ikaw ay laging

nakaramay

Tatalikuran ka nga ba o magpapaubaya

na lamang sa'yo

Ikaw nga ba'y kapalaran o iisa ating espiritu

San Mig Light kung ako'y para sa'yo

IKaMPaY Mo!

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